How can you possibly know when your relationship is over? Do you happen to feel a heavy unhappy weight in your heart when thinking about him? If that feeling is accompanied by a deep sense of loneliness, resentment, frustration and disappointment despite how much you’ve tried to keep things going and despite how many times he said things were going to change, (and this has been going on for months or even years), then a break up is fast approaching which is why any relationship advice for women needs to address this.
Typically most relationships share a similar process: In the beginning, when things are new, both of you are always happy and giddy all the time and can’t take your hands off each other and can’t stop thinking about each other. As time goes on however, and the newness wears off, things might start to get a bit irritating.
- The cute way he used to snuggle up to you now makes you get tense.
- The way he does things that never bothered you before now make you mad.
- The times he just doesn’t talk to you makes you feel lonely.
If it’s gotten to this stage, then this is the point where you might start looking for signs that signify the relationship is over, which is where this relationship advice for women comes in.
It’s often not easy to know if your sweet love or young marriage is heading closer to the edge of chaos, but first you have to ask yourself if you still love your partner. I’m sure it’s in there; you just have to search your heart and locate that feeling again.
However, if you find that there is absolutely no love there anymore, then the relationship is definitely over. But, if you can see that there is still love there but you’re confused or just not sure if the relationship is completely over, then this is where relationship advice for women comes in. What I’ll do is share with you some signs that will make it much clearer to you to know unequivocally, whether it’s worth saving or even salvagable OR whether your relationship is over. So join me as we look at ten signs that could possibly signal the end of the relationship.
#1. You remember the good times and know it’s all gone.
This means you’re bored and feel lonely because you’re probably at a different stage in your life and feel that you’ve moved on. For instance, at the start of your relationship, his romantic gestures came strong and every slight indication of his affection would spark your emotions and ignite the flame of love inside you. But now, everything seems to have changed as your time together is no longer romantic or fun and you might even wonder: “Who is this guy you’re with”. This might not necessarily mean it’s the end of your relationship but that some sparkle needs to be brought back into your love life. If you haven’t done so already, then you can let him know that you need to feel some more excitement again.
If he continues to fail to show any interest or attention in you despite already having talks about it, and there is no obvious reason as to why there is a disinterest on his side, like stress at work or finances, or a serious illness, for example, then I think it’s time to question how much the relationship means to the both of you.
However, perhaps it’s you yourself who doesn’t feel any desire to reignite anything with him. In fact, you might feel a ‘numbness’ inside of you now when you think about him. It’s one thing when you think he isn’t doing anything to keep the relationship going, but it’s another if it’s you who is bored to tears in his company and feel only coldness and anger towards him.
It’s horrible isn’t it having that ‘nothingness’ feeling inside of you when you think about him or are near to him. If this is the case with you, and it’s been going on for a long time, then this would suggest that the relationship is over for you. You see, when we feel love – we can switch from feeling love and hate but when we feel nothing for someone, then that’s indifference – which is a whole different kettle of fish because that suggests that you’ve fallen out of love with him – that you’re no longer ‘in love’ with him even though you might still love him.
It’s often believed that the opposite of love is hate. It isn’t, it’s indifference. When a woman comes to see me for coaching, when she’s in that dilemma of deciding: ‘Should I stay or should I go’, then relationship advice for women is about helping them to really get clear on what attracted you to him to begin with and is any of that love still there AND do you think it’s worth fighting for. It could be, but if you feel it’s not, then you’ve reached a point where it’s time for you to move on.
#2. You argue a lot.
Picking fights or arguing with your sweetheart is a clear sign of irritation and anger and frustration, and this could be the beginning of the end. For example, if the little things your partner does drive you nuts, then I think it’s time you give yourselves some space especially if this has been persistent and an inability to resolve despite both yours or his best intentions.
Often I find in relationship advice for women, is that it can be the case of either one or both of you would rather pick a fight in the hope of the other ending it, than confronting the real issue head on. We often don’t want to take the responsibility of rejecting or hurting another directly, so we choose a round about way to resolve the problem which can be equally as hurtful. As a result, the accuser gets to avoid taking responsibility for their part in the demise of the relationship.
So ask yourself honestly:
- Are you picking a fight with him rather than being vulnerable about how you really feel?
- Have you noticed him picking fights with you for no apparent reason?
- Is there another way that you could go about addressing the issues at hand?
When you answer these questions, you will get a clearer picture on where you stand.
#3. Time together is super boring.
This can be painfully awkward for the both of you because what once felt like passionate undying love, is now awkward and uncomfortable, to the point where it feels like you’re good platonic distant mates with whom you have nothing in common with anymore because you’ve grown apart. In a lot of my relationship advice for women, I see this disconnect a lot when a couple has been together for a very long time. This is especially so when the couple didn’t get together out of love in the first place, but out of feelings of obligation – wanting to please their parents, or felt the need to settle down and start a family fast. You can see this example in a great film called ‘Date Nite’.
There’s a great scene in this film, when one of the couples played by Mark Ruffalo and Kristen Wiig is getting divorced. In this scene, Mark Ruffalo tells his friend why he’s getting a divorce. He says: “We’ve become most excellent room mates”. This line really illustrates that that chemistry or spark that was once there, is no longer. The love can still be there, but that ‘in love’ feeling has gone. They are both functioning as a couple – doing chores etc, but that warm fuzzy feeling is gone or maybe your time together is now of silence.
Sometimes silence in conversation is a good sign when you both feel so relaxed and comfortable together that you still feel so in tune, but in your case, it makes you feel awkward and disconnected. The fun little talks are no longer there, and your partner’s company now is incredibly boring to you. This isn’t a good sign especially if you’ve both tried to be connected but it just isn’t working. If this isn’t masking other unresolved issues, then this would suggest that your relationship is over for you.
#4. Your eyes start wandering.
This could be the most ominous sign and any relationship advice for women must address this. I mean, you say to yourself that you don’t want to break up the relationship, but you are already searching for a backup. Now this has to do with wanting to keep the status quo – perhaps for the sake of the children and an unwillingness to be single again because it can sometimes seem easier to keep things as they are rather than upset the apple cart.
Still, when you start fantasizing about this other guy or searching for ways to spend more time with this person is clearly a sign that you’re feeling unfulfilled emotionally and perhaps even sexually. Worst case scenario is when you actually start flirting with another man behind your partner’s back, with the intention of following through on some romantic liaison or sexual rendezvous if the man of your fantasy is interested in you too, and you don’t care about what your partner feels about it. In fact, part of you actually wants him to find out because secretly you’re looking for a way out but might not want to confront the problems directly.
What can be common, especially in long term relationships, is that we seek the thrill outside of it, which props up the dysfunction of the relationship – getting your needs met outside of the immediate relationship or projected onto the man who isn’t with you in the same capacity as your current partner, but offers an escape to the every day normalness of what can be relationship life.
#5. You experience domestic violence in the relationship.
No woman should ever accept this. If your partner starts laying his hands on you at all, you should know that the relationship is doomed and should end. You should seek immediate help and free yourself from that prison. Please seek support and help if this is you.
#6. No more sex drive.
We all know that a healthy sex life is very vital for every relationship. Let’s get this straight; it’s not that you hate having sex, I mean, if you’re a healthy vibrant women, then you’ll enjoy having good sex, but somehow you realise that you don’t enjoy having sex with your partner anymore. You often, if not mostly, find yourself not in the mood. In fact, you cringe when he goes near you and if you two do end up having sex together, secretly inside your thoughts are “get this over with”. It’s awful to say but you actually feel a repulsion towards him. Over time, it’s more like your bedroom has literally gone from exciting and fun to dull and boring.
When you experience this, then I think it’s time you start figuring out what to do with the relationship. I mean it’s a relationship and not a platonic non sexual friendship. What sometimes is missing from many relationship advice for women, is not looking at the phase of life that you are in, because for women especially, our hormones play an active role in our sex drive. So, if you feel that there’s been a dip or even a loss of your sex drive, then it could be linked to an hormonal change.
Also, perhaps, if you’re a busy working mum, you just feel too busy with the kids – especially if they’re toddlers – that it’s become even more stressful and difficult to also squeeze in having a great connected sex life. You might think of putting in the effort to have a great active sex life but all you really want to do is get a good night’s sleep! However, if your love relationship with your partner is as important as you say it is, then it’s crucial that you find a way to address this, otherwise, not doing so, could lead to the demise of the relationship.
#7. You find it hard to forgive him.
Everyone makes mistakes but somehow you find it difficult to let go of some past hurt or wrong he did you.
You should know that forgiveness is part of any relationship, but if forgiving him seems so difficult then that could signify that the relationship could soon be over. In any relationship, if frustrations are left too long, then resentments can build fast. One of the worst issues in a relationship is feelings of disdain because no relationship can survive real disdain for their partner and vice versa. Over time, those painful hurtful feelings will compound, and the more entrenched they become, the less chance your relationship has of surviving. Listen, I don’t know what he might have done to you that makes you not want to forgive him, so in this relationship advice for women, I ask you to:
1) Measure up what he does do for you and what he doesn’t.
2) How do you feel about him when you look at the life you’ve built together?
3) Does the life you two have together outway the bad things he has done? When you’ve considered that, is the list of ‘can’t forgive’ much bigger than the quality of the life you’ve built together? If it is, then that is a sign that things could soon be over.
#8. You constantly ache for space and privacy.
Having time for you is essential for any relationship to last and flourish. In this case, it’s where your partner is always around you, and you just can’t stand his presence anymore. I mean you literally hate it! For instance, if you’re on Facebook or Instagram or something, and your partner happens to peep into your business, you just have that weird feeling of wanting to pull back to the extent that you actually want to hide things away from him. You actually start to see his interest in your affairs as him prying into your private life. And you feel seriously uncomfortable about this.
If you discover that you love space and are now wanting to keep a distance from your partner when you’re trying to relax, or even noticing that you’re spending more and more time with your girlfriends, then you should know that the relationship is doomed. Distancing tactics is not a sign obviously that you want to be close, and is often a clear sign that you’ve already emotionally distance yourself from him.
#9. No more talks about the future.
You only reminisce how it used to be, but you just can’t see a future together anymore or in fact, you’re telling yourself and your girlfriends that you no longer want a future with him. It could be that there are no talks about the future between you and your partner and that any reference to future things, he now brushes under the carpet and doesn’t want to talk about it.
If you notice that your man no longer plays a vital role in things that has to do with your future and career, then there’s definitely trouble in paradise that needs to be at first acknowledged, then addressed. Take a look at my book ‘Why Men Pull Away’ FREE ebook to find out what’s gone wrong .
In any relationship advice for women I have to say: If you don’t address the real issues, then you know that deep inside, your relationship will soon be over. If you can’t imagine a future with him anymore, and neither of you are actively making something happen, then it’s inevitable that you’re relationship is going to end.
#10. Always showing the worst side.
Now, being nice to everyone else see like a habit but when it comes to your partner, you realise that you always show your worst side with him. To make matters worse, you do nothing to change yourself or make yourself look better in front of your partner. You’ve come to realise that you no longer care about what he thinks of you, and now, instead of managing your feelings or emotions, you feel more anger towards him.
You don’t bother to make any effort to look good for him. In fact, you notice that you’re making more of an effort going out with your girlfriends than you do with him. Your resentment has built up so much, that any good will and good feeling is just no longer there. You dislike the sight of him now, and the thought of him brings out your worst side. So much so that it might seem out of control.
If you’re at this stage, and are not getting any help to resolve this issue, then this relationship is definitely over. You two won’t last AND be happy at the same time.
So there you have it. All the above telltale signs in this relationship advice for women is to help you see more clearly where you’re at and see whether you wish to make the relationship work or walk away. If you are experiencing five or more of the above signs, your relationship will fail.
However, if you know it’s over and are still struggling in making the decision to leave, or if you still feel confused, then I suggest you contact me for help and support. I can help you sort things out, just like I did with Gina, who was struggling in her marriage with her husband. After coaching with me, I helped her gain a deeper understanding as to what the real issues were in their relationship and helped her resolve them.
You don’t have to struggle alone, so if you want any more relationship advice for women, or feel that you need more one to one support, then contact me. I’m here to help you.