Does being single on Valentine’s Day make you a loser or a failure? Or does it make you feel like one?

Hopefully not, yet I know some of you will shrink back and pretend that the day doesn’t exist or you’ll act as if you don’t care. Maybe you’ll even tell everyone that it’s all commercialised nonsense, or partake in ‘Anti Valentines’ festivities so people know how ‘not bothered’ you are because in your mind you’re giving a big up yours to those you believe are ‘in power controlling you’.  But secretly inside it seems that all you can see is back to back lovers staring longingly into each other’s eyes, arm in arm, declaring undying love for each other. Or you remember the times when you were once in that embrace where he held you tight – gently but confidently looking into your eyes, cupping the side of your face as he pulled you in for a passionate embrace.

Valentine’s Day for some of you singles can seem like the world is having one big fat joke and laugh on you. And only you. Even though singledom is on the increase, with a national census done by Channel 4, that Britain now has a whopping 17 million unattached people over the age of 16. Still, even knowing that, it can totally suck right sometimes because you’re believing that everyone else in the whole world has gotten their love life together: That all couples are ecstatically happy, hand in hand, skipping into the rainbows everyday.  That’s what you believe. And each and every time you believe that, you feel sick to your stomach. That’s if even you allow yourself to feel because some of you, I know, have a brick wall built up that’s so high and so big, that even when you try to connect with others, or try to feel your feelings, you’ve become so numb to yourself, that you don’t understand your own feelings and emotions anymore.

Why?

Because you’ve tried to cut yourself off from feeling your feelings because it’s become too painful for you. Heck, I know many of you pretend and make jokes about your love life, thinking that trying to make light of it will mask how you really feel on the inside. Perhaps even in an attempt to hide from yourself your true feelings.

For those of you who feel ashamed or embarrassed that you’re still single on Valentine’s Day, I know that there is another way. Yet you probably believe that you should have this whole relationship situation sorted out by now, especially when you see your friends pairing off and starting their own families. Always made worst when your mum or family members ask you why you’re still single with the look of pity or confusion in their eyes.

So what can you do if this is you on Valentine’s Day? You can always cry yourself into your favourite bucket of ice cream (Haagen Dazs Chocolate Chip please)

or do something that’s becoming more popular now called ‘Palentine’s Day’, or ‘Galentines Day’, which means that you hang out with your best single girlfriends. Not such a bad idea. But perhaps seeing lots of couples out on Valentine’s Day whilst you and your girlfriends drink champagne might trigger you because it still serves as a constant reminder of what you don’t have, which is an intimate loving sexual relationship with your guy.

For some of you, as much as you love your girlfriends, you secretly prefer to have that special someone to be with to celebrate Valentine’s Day with and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a loving relationship with your Mr Right. Girlfriends are great of course, you don’t ever want to be without your amazing girlfriends, AND you also want to be held by a man or cuddle up with him at night right?

There is already too much shaming of singles these days. And what I mean by shaming is when people are telling you platitudes like just “love yourself”, “be happy being single”, “be the love that you seek”, when you’re honestly not feeling that way on the inside. Being incongruent to how you really feel  – be thinking you ‘should’ be happy being single, is actually causing you more pain than acknowledging how you really feel.

Well meaning as some of these people are, you shouldn’t have to negate or squash how you really feel especially when those sayings don’t actually make you feel better. They are not effective in resolving your deep emotional issues or satisfying your emotional needs. So please don’t feel embarrassed if secretly inside you wish you had that special someone to hold you rather than spending more time with the girls.

An intimate relationship with your Mr Right isn’t the same as your relationships with your girlfriends because it fulfils a different part of your emotional needs, needs that you cannot get from your girlfriends. There are things you’ll do with your partner of course that you wouldn’t and can’t do with your friends – so please let’s get honest about that. We’re human beings who are designed to want to couple up and bond. It’s part of our DNA. Regardless, if you can genuinely connect and focus on being happy and having fun with your girlfriends that you love and care about, then of course that’s awesome. Go out or stay in together, and do lots of fun girlie stuff. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in that.

But if you feel that you want something more – that you want to have that special man in your life,, then you know where I am. Contact me. Let me help you Attract & Keep Your Mr Right.

Don’t miss out on love.

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