Women dating older men isn’t a new phenomenon however what we are seeing much more of is younger women now actively seeking men much older than themselves rather than choosing guys from their own age group.
Wоmеn, bу and lаrgе, ѕееm much mоrе аttrасtеd tо slightly older men, but now there is a trend that younger women are choosing men who are at least 10 – 15 years older than themselves, and prefer older men rather than thоѕе in their оwn аgе grоuр. You саn еvеn ѕtаrt tо ѕее thе ѕееdѕ of thiѕ in high school, whеrе it ѕееmеd like еvеrу girl was after some guу in senior years or college, or аt lеаѕt a few years оldеr than thеm. Why iѕ that?
Why аrе уоungеr women аttrасtеd tо оldеr men?
Why are women dating older men?
The answer is not ѕimрlе, аnd it is оf соurѕе nоt the ѕаmе for every girl. In fact, mаnу girls, whеn confronted with thе iѕѕuе, would deny it bеing thе саѕе, even if thеу wеrе currently dаting ѕоmеоnе оldеr. They would ѕау thеу wеrе аttrасtеd to thеm bесаuѕе of whо they wеrе, rеgаrdlеѕѕ of аgе. Thiѕ is, оf course, nоt the еntirе truth, rеgаrdlеѕѕ оf what they think оr ѕау. The truth is, men who have had a lot of life experience and have already established themselves in their business or career, are more likely to be more mature just by virtue of their experience. This isn’t true of all men of course, but by аnd lаrgе, this iѕ truе.
Mеn in their 20’s may feel that they have a lot more of life to experience and in general don’t feel ready to settle down with one woman. Especially if they’re super ambitious, have a financial dream to achieve as well as wanting to see and travel the world. So when these guys are truly honest with themselves, they know that they wouldn’t be able to give a woman the financial stability, nor the exclusivity and nor the time that she might want, especially if she feels ready to start a family.
That’s why this blog lооkѕ аt the many rеаѕоnѕ why younger wоmеn аrе looking fоr оldеr men, аnd thе reasons соuld bе mаnу or vаriеd. Thе truth iѕ, is thаt older more mature men have muсh tо offer, аnd уоungеr wоmеn want to enjoy the benefits of that.
#1: They Know Whаt Thеу Want
Oldеr men knоw what thеу wаnt, bесаuѕе thеу have experienced life. Through many of the twists and turns that life has no doubt given them, they’ve come to discover what works for them and feel comfortable and confident in that. They mау hаvе already bееn in a number оf relationships and established in thеir саrееr, so they hаvе their life clearly set оut in frоnt оf them. Thiѕ iѕ арреаling fоr уоungеr wоmеn whо prefer a confident man who is stable and isn’t looking to take off at a moment’s notice.
Women dаting older mеn bесаuѕе thеу are more аvаilаblе for commitment and aren’t afraid of a long term commitment, аnd it works in rеturn. Older men likе уоungеr wоmеn tоо of course, which mеаnѕ that it’s a natural organic fit, making it еаѕiеr tо start a rеlаtiоnѕhiр. As a result, it becomes much more effortless without the fear on the woman’s side that he wants to jet off somewhere on an thrill seeking adventure, or spend time with the lads down at the pub or club pulling girls because he isn’t actually looking for that at his stage in life. In fact, he’s happy to NOT have to be going out to clubs and bars feeling the pressure of having to pick up random girls.
#3: Financial Security
Thеrе iѕ nо dоubt thаt оldеr guуѕ who are already successful and established in their business or career are more likely to have a house, money and even investments. The more successful men are, the less likely that they will be living at hоmе with thеir mothers or in a house share with their mates. A woman who wants to start a family and create a solid strong foundation and strong family unit must think about the financial status of a guy. So it’s of no surprise that mаnу women аrе аttrасtеd to stability оvеr looks, or stability over men of similar age, bесаuѕе thеу wаnt a lifеѕtуlе that’s stable, with possible luxurу, with a man who has already got those things in place. This iѕ why wоmеn dаting оldеr mеn is attractive. Being financially comfortable means that there is less likely to be stress over where the next money is coming from to pay the bills and that’s a huge plus in terms of reducing any stress in the relationship especially if there are children involved.
#4: Feel Safe With Maturity.
Outside of the material things, older men will naturally have mоrе life ѕkillѕ and have been thrоugh mаnу diffеrеnt еxреriеnсеѕ. Through those experiences he can be more discerning about the choices he makes because he knows what works for him and what doesn’t. He no longer needs to experiment as much as he did in his youth. Also, as a result of these experiences, he will have something interesting to bring to the table, being able to offer her new ideas that only life experience can give; or introduce her to new things that she herself hasn’t experienced before. He isn’t afraid of coming up with a plan, or taking the lead because he would’ve learnt old school values and gentlemanly behaviour – for example; not expecting a woman to ask him out or chase him or even ‘Go Dutch’, because they know there are benefits of treating a woman like a lady. Furthermore, he actually wants to make her feel special because it makes him feel good to do so.
These lifе еxреriеnсеѕ are wonderful qualities to bring tо any rеlаtiоnѕhiр. They mау hаvе еxреriеnсе in jobs, аnd trаvеling оvеrѕеаѕ, fine dining and in general, more sophisticated tastes. Thеу may hаvе many diffеrеnt friends, and interests thаt they аrе соmmittеd to, and that commitment is very attractive to younger women or to any woman for that matter. Experience саn mean ѕесuritу and mаturitу аnd ѕоmе grеаt соnvеrѕаtiоnѕ. It iѕ muсh mоrе арреаling to be talking tо ѕоmеоnе whо can hоld a varied and intеlligеnt conversation bаѕеd оn thеir vаriеd lifе еxреriеnсеѕ rather than with someone who cannot.
#5: Fаthеr Figurе
Fоr mаnу reasons, younger women аррrесiаtе fаthеr figurеѕ. Thеу mау nоt have hаd strong male rоlе mоdеlѕ in their early livеѕ, оr thеу mау simply likе a husband whо саn bе a strong powerful lеаdеr. A father figurе iѕ аbоut ѕоmеоnе whо iѕ саring and who is confident in making dесiѕiоnѕ for the benefit of himself and those close to him. Thеrе аrе mаnу уоungеr women whо are lооking for оldеr mеn bесаuѕе they саn оffеr thеm that emotional mаturitу аnd leadership thаt makes a woman feel safe in her life and relationship with him.
Older mеn mау bе mоrе rеаdу for getting married thаn уоungеr guys, who аrе still wanting to hаve fun and less commitment. Whеn mеn gеt оldеr they are more рrераrеd tо ѕеttlе dоwn and соmmit tо one woman exclusively, whiсh is highlу appealing fоr уоungеr women whо want tо see ѕоmе dedication in thе man’s life. Mаrriаgе iѕ a lоng-tеrm commitment thаt оffеrѕ the promise of security аnd lоvе, and wоmеn аrе dating оldеr mеn because this iѕ оftеn whаt women are looking for.
#7: Ready To Start A Family
Older men are more likely to feel ready to settle down and start a family because they’ve already ‘sown their oats’ so to speak, and are ready to appreciate the responsibility of having a family and committing to one woman. Furthermore, if he is already financially successful, then he’s more likely to feel ready to be able to support a growing family without the stresses of having to build a career or business at the same time. Or if he hasn’t as yet settled on a career, not have to worry about chopping and changing mid stream with a wife and child in tow, when he’s not sure of what he wants yet.
As a man grows older – certainly by the time he’s reached his late 30’s and early 40’s onwards, he starts to really want more cuddles and connection and intimate times with a woman outside of a sexual relationship. Often, this is the first thing an older man craves when there is no woman in his life. In fact, there are some older men that if he doesn’t feel an emotional connection towards a woman, won’t even have casual sex with her because he’s looking for more than just a quick sexual encounter.
If a mаn knows whаt hе wаntѕ and can gеt it, hе iѕ independent. Thеrе are no reasons fоr him to sponge off his раrеntѕ because he wants to define himself as a man who can stand on his own two feet. To him, life is аbоut dоing the thingѕ thаt he wаnts tо dо, and finding a great satisfaction from achieving those things independently, without еxсuѕеѕ or limitаtiоnѕ. Yоungеr women аrе attracted to this, аnd this is one of thе rеаѕоnѕ why women love dаting older mеn.
Thе last аnd possibly mоѕt imроrtаnt feature оf this liѕt of whу wоmеn dating older mеn iѕ; is wanting feelings of ѕесuritу. Many of the аbоvе rеаѕоnѕ ѕtаnd fоr security аnd thе соmmitmеnt thаt соmеѕ with it. Wоmеn lоvе commitment and tо knоw thаt thеу аrе lоvеd. They wаnt tо bе ѕаfе and рrоtесtеd, аnd оftеn older mеn саn оffеr thiѕ tо thеm.
So if you’re a younger woman who has felt a little embarrassed for being attracted to older men, then don’t be because you can see, after reading this blog, that there are many wonderful reasons why an older man would be a good choice for a long term committed relationship.
How can you possibly know when your relationship is over? Do you happen to feel a heavy unhappy weight in your heart when thinking about him? If that feeling is accompanied by a deep sense of loneliness, resentment, frustration and disappointment despite how much you’ve tried to keep things going and despite how many times he said things were going to change, (and this has been going on for months or even years), then a break up is fast approaching which is why any relationship advice for women needs to address this.
Typically most relationships share a similar process: In the beginning, when things are new, both of you are always happy and giddy all the time and can’t take your hands off each other and can’t stop thinking about each other. As time goes on however, and the newness wears off, things might start to get a bit irritating.
- The cute way he used to snuggle up to you now makes you get tense.
- The way he does things that never bothered you before now make you mad.
- The times he just doesn’t talk to you makes you feel lonely.
If it’s gotten to this stage, then this is the point where you might start looking for signs that signify the relationship is over, which is where this relationship advice for women comes in.
It’s often not easy to know if your sweet love or young marriage is heading closer to the edge of chaos, but first you have to ask yourself if you still love your partner. I’m sure it’s in there; you just have to search your heart and locate that feeling again.
However, if you find that there is absolutely no love there anymore, then the relationship is definitely over. But, if you can see that there is still love there but you’re confused or just not sure if the relationship is completely over, then this is where relationship advice for women comes in. What I’ll do is share with you some signs that will make it much clearer to you to know unequivocally, whether it’s worth saving or even salvagable OR whether your relationship is over. So join me as we look at ten signs that could possibly signal the end of the relationship.
#1. You remember the good times and know it’s all gone.
This means you’re bored and feel lonely because you’re probably at a different stage in your life and feel that you’ve moved on. For instance, at the start of your relationship, his romantic gestures came strong and every slight indication of his affection would spark your emotions and ignite the flame of love inside you. But now, everything seems to have changed as your time together is no longer romantic or fun and you might even wonder: “Who is this guy you’re with”. This might not necessarily mean it’s the end of your relationship but that some sparkle needs to be brought back into your love life. If you haven’t done so already, then you can let him know that you need to feel some more excitement again.
If he continues to fail to show any interest or attention in you despite already having talks about it, and there is no obvious reason as to why there is a disinterest on his side, like stress at work or finances, or a serious illness, for example, then I think it’s time to question how much the relationship means to the both of you.
However, perhaps it’s you yourself who doesn’t feel any desire to reignite anything with him. In fact, you might feel a ‘numbness’ inside of you now when you think about him. It’s one thing when you think he isn’t doing anything to keep the relationship going, but it’s another if it’s you who is bored to tears in his company and feel only coldness and anger towards him.
It’s horrible isn’t it having that ‘nothingness’ feeling inside of you when you think about him or are near to him. If this is the case with you, and it’s been going on for a long time, then this would suggest that the relationship is over for you. You see, when we feel love – we can switch from feeling love and hate but when we feel nothing for someone, then that’s indifference – which is a whole different kettle of fish because that suggests that you’ve fallen out of love with him – that you’re no longer ‘in love’ with him even though you might still love him.
It’s often believed that the opposite of love is hate. It isn’t, it’s indifference. When a woman comes to see me for coaching, when she’s in that dilemma of deciding: ‘Should I stay or should I go’, then relationship advice for women is about helping them to really get clear on what attracted you to him to begin with and is any of that love still there AND do you think it’s worth fighting for. It could be, but if you feel it’s not, then you’ve reached a point where it’s time for you to move on.
#2. You argue a lot.
Picking fights or arguing with your sweetheart is a clear sign of irritation and anger and frustration, and this could be the beginning of the end. For example, if the little things your partner does drive you nuts, then I think it’s time you give yourselves some space especially if this has been persistent and an inability to resolve despite both yours or his best intentions.
Often I find in relationship advice for women, is that it can be the case of either one or both of you would rather pick a fight in the hope of the other ending it, than confronting the real issue head on. We often don’t want to take the responsibility of rejecting or hurting another directly, so we choose a round about way to resolve the problem which can be equally as hurtful. As a result, the accuser gets to avoid taking responsibility for their part in the demise of the relationship.
So ask yourself honestly:
- Are you picking a fight with him rather than being vulnerable about how you really feel?
- Have you noticed him picking fights with you for no apparent reason?
- Is there another way that you could go about addressing the issues at hand?
When you answer these questions, you will get a clearer picture on where you stand.
#3. Time together is super boring.
This can be painfully awkward for the both of you because what once felt like passionate undying love, is now awkward and uncomfortable, to the point where it feels like you’re good platonic distant mates with whom you have nothing in common with anymore because you’ve grown apart. In a lot of my relationship advice for women, I see this disconnect a lot when a couple has been together for a very long time. This is especially so when the couple didn’t get together out of love in the first place, but out of feelings of obligation – wanting to please their parents, or felt the need to settle down and start a family fast. You can see this example in a great film called ‘Date Nite’.
There’s a great scene in this film, when one of the couples played by Mark Ruffalo and Kristen Wiig is getting divorced. In this scene, Mark Ruffalo tells his friend why he’s getting a divorce. He says: “We’ve become most excellent room mates”. This line really illustrates that that chemistry or spark that was once there, is no longer. The love can still be there, but that ‘in love’ feeling has gone. They are both functioning as a couple – doing chores etc, but that warm fuzzy feeling is gone or maybe your time together is now of silence.
Sometimes silence in conversation is a good sign when you both feel so relaxed and comfortable together that you still feel so in tune, but in your case, it makes you feel awkward and disconnected. The fun little talks are no longer there, and your partner’s company now is incredibly boring to you. This isn’t a good sign especially if you’ve both tried to be connected but it just isn’t working. If this isn’t masking other unresolved issues, then this would suggest that your relationship is over for you.
#4. Your eyes start wandering.
This could be the most ominous sign and any relationship advice for women must address this. I mean, you say to yourself that you don’t want to break up the relationship, but you are already searching for a backup. Now this has to do with wanting to keep the status quo – perhaps for the sake of the children and an unwillingness to be single again because it can sometimes seem easier to keep things as they are rather than upset the apple cart.
Still, when you start fantasizing about this other guy or searching for ways to spend more time with this person is clearly a sign that you’re feeling unfulfilled emotionally and perhaps even sexually. Worst case scenario is when you actually start flirting with another man behind your partner’s back, with the intention of following through on some romantic liaison or sexual rendezvous if the man of your fantasy is interested in you too, and you don’t care about what your partner feels about it. In fact, part of you actually wants him to find out because secretly you’re looking for a way out but might not want to confront the problems directly.
What can be common, especially in long term relationships, is that we seek the thrill outside of it, which props up the dysfunction of the relationship – getting your needs met outside of the immediate relationship or projected onto the man who isn’t with you in the same capacity as your current partner, but offers an escape to the every day normalness of what can be relationship life.
#5. You experience domestic violence in the relationship.
No woman should ever accept this. If your partner starts laying his hands on you at all, you should know that the relationship is doomed and should end. You should seek immediate help and free yourself from that prison. Please seek support and help if this is you.
#6. No more sex drive.
We all know that a healthy sex life is very vital for every relationship. Let’s get this straight; it’s not that you hate having sex, I mean, if you’re a healthy vibrant women, then you’ll enjoy having good sex, but somehow you realise that you don’t enjoy having sex with your partner anymore. You often, if not mostly, find yourself not in the mood. In fact, you cringe when he goes near you and if you two do end up having sex together, secretly inside your thoughts are “get this over with”. It’s awful to say but you actually feel a repulsion towards him. Over time, it’s more like your bedroom has literally gone from exciting and fun to dull and boring.
When you experience this, then I think it’s time you start figuring out what to do with the relationship. I mean it’s a relationship and not a platonic non sexual friendship. What sometimes is missing from many relationship advice for women, is not looking at the phase of life that you are in, because for women especially, our hormones play an active role in our sex drive. So, if you feel that there’s been a dip or even a loss of your sex drive, then it could be linked to an hormonal change.
Also, perhaps, if you’re a busy working mum, you just feel too busy with the kids – especially if they’re toddlers – that it’s become even more stressful and difficult to also squeeze in having a great connected sex life. You might think of putting in the effort to have a great active sex life but all you really want to do is get a good night’s sleep! However, if your love relationship with your partner is as important as you say it is, then it’s crucial that you find a way to address this, otherwise, not doing so, could lead to the demise of the relationship.
#7. You find it hard to forgive him.
Everyone makes mistakes but somehow you find it difficult to let go of some past hurt or wrong he did you.
You should know that forgiveness is part of any relationship, but if forgiving him seems so difficult then that could signify that the relationship could soon be over. In any relationship, if frustrations are left too long, then resentments can build fast. One of the worst issues in a relationship is feelings of disdain because no relationship can survive real disdain for their partner and vice versa. Over time, those painful hurtful feelings will compound, and the more entrenched they become, the less chance your relationship has of surviving. Listen, I don’t know what he might have done to you that makes you not want to forgive him, so in this relationship advice for women, I ask you to:
1) Measure up what he does do for you and what he doesn’t.
2) How do you feel about him when you look at the life you’ve built together?
3) Does the life you two have together outway the bad things he has done? When you’ve considered that, is the list of ‘can’t forgive’ much bigger than the quality of the life you’ve built together? If it is, then that is a sign that things could soon be over.
#8. You constantly ache for space and privacy.
Having time for you is essential for any relationship to last and flourish. In this case, it’s where your partner is always around you, and you just can’t stand his presence anymore. I mean you literally hate it! For instance, if you’re on Facebook or Instagram or something, and your partner happens to peep into your business, you just have that weird feeling of wanting to pull back to the extent that you actually want to hide things away from him. You actually start to see his interest in your affairs as him prying into your private life. And you feel seriously uncomfortable about this.
If you discover that you love space and are now wanting to keep a distance from your partner when you’re trying to relax, or even noticing that you’re spending more and more time with your girlfriends, then you should know that the relationship is doomed. Distancing tactics is not a sign obviously that you want to be close, and is often a clear sign that you’ve already emotionally distance yourself from him.
#9. No more talks about the future.
Why Men Pull Away FREE ebook. Download Now!
You only reminisce how it used to be, but you just can’t see a future together anymore or in fact, you’re telling yourself and your girlfriends that you no longer want a future with him. It could be that there are no talks about the future between you and your partner and that any reference to future things, he now brushes under the carpet and doesn’t want to talk about it.
If you notice that your man no longer plays a vital role in things that has to do with your future and career, then there’s definitely trouble in paradise that needs to be at first acknowledged, then addressed. Take a look at my book ‘Why Men Pull Away’ FREE ebook to find out what’s gone wrong .
In any relationship advice for women I have to say: If you don’t address the real issues, then you know that deep inside, your relationship will soon be over. If you can’t imagine a future with him anymore, and neither of you are actively making something happen, then it’s inevitable that you’re relationship is going to end.
#10. Always showing the worst side.
Now, being nice to everyone else see like a habit but when it comes to your partner, you realise that you always show your worst side with him. To make matters worse, you do nothing to change yourself or make yourself look better in front of your partner. You’ve come to realise that you no longer care about what he thinks of you, and now, instead of managing your feelings or emotions, you feel more anger towards him.
You don’t bother to make any effort to look good for him. In fact, you notice that you’re making more of an effort going out with your girlfriends than you do with him. Your resentment has built up so much, that any good will and good feeling is just no longer there. You dislike the sight of him now, and the thought of him brings out your worst side. So much so that it might seem out of control.
If you’re at this stage, and are not getting any help to resolve this issue, then this relationship is definitely over. You two won’t last AND be happy at the same time.
So there you have it. All the above telltale signs in this relationship advice for women is to help you see more clearly where you’re at and see whether you wish to make the relationship work or walk away. If you are experiencing five or more of the above signs, your relationship will fail.
However, if you know it’s over and are still struggling in making the decision to leave, or if you still feel confused, then I suggest you contact me for help and support. I can help you sort things out, just like I did with Gina, who was struggling in her marriage with her husband. After coaching with me, I helped her gain a deeper understanding as to what the real issues were in their relationship and helped her resolve them.
You don’t have to struggle alone, so if you want any more relationship advice for women, or feel that you need more one to one support, then contact me. I’m here to help you.
Meeting your soulmate can seem like it’s difficult sometimes, so here are five things that you can do right now to attract your Mr. Right – your soul mate. Interested? Then keep on reading because dating tips for women covers all bases to help you to become successful in love.
Number One: Visualise Your Soulmate
Write down or think about what type of guy you would you like because meeting your soulmate requires you to be able to visualize him, and in order to do that, then you must ‘know’ who he is so that you can recognise him when he comes. When you visualize him, and feel deeply how it feels to finally be with him, that will increase the vibration of your desires to a higher frequency. By doing so, attracting your soulmate will become an unbreakable belief in your unconscious and subconscious mind. When it becomes deeply embedded into your subconscious, attracting your soulmate will become more effortless and things will start to fall into place. You will become a powerful manifester.
Getting the foundations right means you have a better chance at finding you Mr. Right and meeting your soulmate. So, what are the real qualities that you’re looking for with your Mr. Right? When you’ve answered that question, then ask yourself: Where would this type of guy be hanging out? Once you’ve answered that, then ask yourself: Are you hanging out in the same places where you think your Mr. Right will be because if you’re not, then obviously that needs to change.
I had one of my clients do this exact same exercise. She liked really tall rugby type men, yet she wasn’t meeting those types of men in her every day daily life. So when it was rugby season I told her to go to a rugby game and/or go to the pub where not only will the majority of the audience be male, but also a good percentage of them might have been rugby players themselves. Regardless, it was a fantastic opportunity to interact with the men around, and seeing as it was going to be a dominance of men, it would increase her chances of meeting someone who fitted her particular type and as a result, increase her chances of meeting her soulmate.
So whatever type of guy you’re looking for first figure out:
1) What qualities should he have to make you feel happy.
2) Where will that type of man be hanging out.
Then you’ve got to take some action and go to where he’s most likely hanging out because this is not theory. Even if you believe in the law of attraction, the law of attraction still requires you to take action on what you desire. Listen, you have to do something about meeting your soulmate unless you expect your soulmate to pop up at your front door – which would be the case if he’s your postman! Some of you might be feeling uncomfortable right now hearing that you’ve got to get outside of your comfort zone and take some action, but just by taking these small steps will make the difference and turn your love life around.
If you need a friend to go out with, just invite a friend along and tell them you’re ready to meet someone significant and your taking action to make that happen. Remember, whilst it’s a great start to hang out where your favourite types of men hang out, you must also interact with them!! If you go out to socialise yet never smile or have a stony faced, then don’t expect men to approach or talk to you. Which leads me nicely onto number two.
Number 2: Smile!
Smiling is infectious. You will become more attractive and you will attract more when you smile to the world.
This by far is one of the most important dating tips for women! You have no idea how infectious it is to smile. Smiling is such a simple thing to do that can really change your dating life quickly. When you smile, more people will warm to you. Furthermore, you will look more approachable which are both win win situations.
I’m going to challenge you here, so let’s do a little bit of homework that I call ‘Flirting With The World’: When you do this, your whole energy changes because you’re sending out a very positive vibe, and that vibe is super attractive and attracting.
Over the next seven days, I want you to smile at a stranger every day because for all you know, meeting your soulmate could be as simple as smiling at a stranger because that stranger might be your soulmate. They don’t have to be male – although it would be great if they were all male and even better if you smiled at men you find attractive!!! Regardless, this exercise is more about you looking open and friendly and engaging and interacting with people in a friendly heart warming way.
Now, if you live in a big hustling bustling metropolis of a city, you may feel it’s not appropriate to ‘Flirt With The World’, especially if you believe that you’re intruding on people’s ‘Me Time’. It’s a sad world we live in if smiling at someone is deemed to make you an odd ball. We’re living in a society where we spend most of our time nose down into our mobile phones or iPads, ear phones plugged in, avoiding eye contact with people and consequentially avoiding any real human interaction other than an ‘excuse me’ when you need to get off a train or bus or something, yet even with all this technology, what we’re craving the most is a return back to good old fashioned human connection. Which is the reason why I want you to smile! It will not only lift your energy and spirits, but it will also lighten up someone else’s day.
I genuinely want you to look at someone and just smile because meeting your soulmate could be just a smile away. You don’t have to say anything other than smile. The thing is, for all you know, your Mr. Right could be on the underground; he could be on the train; he could be on the bus; he could be in the queue across from you as he queues up for his morning wake-me up Starbucks Coffee, and all he’s looking for is a signal from a lovely woman that lets him know: ‘It’s okay to approach’.
Let’s be honest, if you’re looking miserable, or if you’re looking unhappy or if you’re distracted thinking about other things, you may not be smiling and he may not know if it’s okay to approach you. Therefore if you smile, he will know it’s ok to approach you because he’ll think that you won’t shut him down (men fear rejection too) because smiling is so inviting and engaging and people warm to those who smile. It’s such a simple and easy step to do, that you can be pro-active and do this easily today!
These simple steps could make such a HUGE difference, so much so that you could be meeting your soulmate much more sooner than you think, just like one of my clients Lisa did, who within three months of coaching with me met her soulmate Joshua. She started to ‘Flirt With The World’, and just like magic, Joshua suddenly appeared and swooped in to be her guy. He’s now saving up for an engagement ring to be married!
Number 3: Utilise The Six Degrees Of Separation.
Use the principles of The Six Degrees of Separation because your Mr Right is closer than you think.
I’m often asked for some of my most popular dating tips for women, and here is one that isn’t often seen.
Have you heard of ‘Six Degrees Of Separation’? It’s a theory that’s been around since 1929, proposed by an Hungarian writer called Frigyes Karinthy. Explained in the most simplest terms it means: That we’re six or fewer steps away from anyone in this world; six steps away from being connected with anyone on the planet.
Therefore this means that you are less than six steps away from being introduced to your soulmate! So one way or another, you are connected to your soulmate. They could be a Facebook friend, or a friend of a friend in your social circle. Two people who are destined to be together are in some way already connected, therefore meeting your soulmate is only a matter of time because you’re already connected in a matter of six steps or less. How amazing is that!? To those of you who have lost hope or wonder when or even if you’re going to meet him, this concept alone should renew your faith in meeting your soulmate because he is much more closer than you think.
So if you want to speed up the process of meeting your soulmate, what I want you to do is: Think of three of your closest girlfriends, just pick three of your female friends – your best friends, and tell them that you’re open to meeting that special someone: That you’re now ready and open to meeting your soulmate.
Some of you might feel uncomfortable doing this exercise and that’s okay because I still want you to “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway” as is the famous quote made popular by author and spiritual teacher, Susan Jeffers. So, I still want you to do it because as I’ve said just before, with the ‘Six Degrees Of Separation’, your guy could be a friend of one of your girl friend’s, whom you haven’t met yet, so an introduction could easily solve that problem of your current singledom status.
For those of you who might struggle in what to say to your girl friends, then simply say: “I’m ready to settle down and I’m open to going on a blind date. Do you have any male friends that you could set me up on a blind date with?” Then, let them set you up on a blind date because I know that your best friends will be right behind you in meeting your soulmate.
I always ask my clients to do this same exercise. One client being Sally did. She was ten years single and was ready to meet her soulmate. Just like magic, her Mr Right was already in her circle of friends but for some reason they had never met, until she did this exercise. He happened to be a friend of a friend. Five years later they’re still married. Another client of mine Sarah, who saw me for 3 months did this same exercise and soon after, within the space of three months, she met her Mr right, and now they’re married and have a baby boy. Her Mr Right was already in the same close circle of friends but for some reason they never met either! This could happen to you too if you’re willing to take that risk for love and are being not only open but proactive in meeting your soulmate.
To give you some science behind it: There was a survey done recently by MIC. They surveyed around 3000 people, aged between 18-34, and in this survey they said that 39% of those people within that age range met their long term partner through mutual friends as opposed to only 10% doing online dating like Tinder, or Match.com for example.
Think about that research. If you’re reading this and you’re within that age range, the chances of you meeting your soulmate are greatly increased by using your immediate social circle. The findings as we get older show that our circle of friendships remains static or even decreases, therefore, the chances of you meeting your soulmate increases when you use both online dating AND asking around your circle of friends. However, with my clients, interestingly, no matter their age, overall, their dating success came more from meeting men in their social circle even if they haven’t actually met them yet. These men were already connected to them via one or two contacts. So exploring this option can be extremely beneficial and could lead you directly to meeting your soulmate.
So, your guy could be very close to you, therefore I want you to be bold! Text your female friends, just three girls, let them know that you’re wanting to be set up on a blind date and just go for it! Or give them a quick call and get yourself set up on a blind date because dating tips for women means that you must also take some action in going for your dream man.
Number 4: Your Image and Personal Style.
What you wear says everything about you.
I want you to mix it up in what you’re wearing. I want you to get the outfit that you save for special occasions, perhaps an outfit that you wear on an evening with the girls and if it’s appropriate I want you to wear that to work! Yes, to work!! But ONLY if it’s appropriate of course. If that isn’t appropriate – to still wear something that ups your game. Something that says: I’m happy; I’m attractive; I like myself.
What that does is that you’ll get to feel differently about yourself, you’ll have an air of confidence, generate that indefinable ‘quality’ that makes you seem different from the rest, which means that when it comes to meeting your soulmate who is looking for someone like you, he’ll be able to identify you more quickly and easily from the rest of the crowd.
What can happen, just like what happened with one of my clients, was that she did just that – she wore her ‘special’ outfit that she’d only wear for special occasions to work instead. When she did that, heads were turning and she generated a lot of curiosity from both sexes. Many of the women asked had she lost weight. Others asked if she had met someone special. Men would ask her whether she was going out on a date, and some actually asked her out on a date! That’s how powerful this exercise can be. Meeting your soulmate could become so much easier for you because he could be someone who works in your building or office who hasn’t even noticed you yet. People’s perception of you can change when you change. You might not realise how powerful you really are, but you can influence how others see you.
You see, her work colleagues were so used to seeing her in the same outfit day in & day out, wearing appropriate attire for work, that they stopped paying much attention to her or even really ‘notice’ her. However, when she ‘upgraded’ her work outfits and started dressing in clothes that were very flattering and more colourful – then guys that she’d be working for years with, started to come up to her and say: “Hi”, as if they’d never seen her before! And she had been working in that same department for five years by that point!
As a result of the image transformation, she started to get more attention from both sexes, she started to feel good about herself and she started to feel more confident in her level of attractiveness. You know what happened to those old clothes? They’ve been thrown away in the trash. She wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of her meeting your soulmate. And sure enough, she did. Her name is Zonya, and she’s been with her soulmate five years now.
For all you know, your soulmate could be where you work, he could be the guy you see on your way to work; he could be coming for an interview that day at your work place; or he could be meeting a friend from your work place. So he might never have noticed you before but by following this example, you can guarantee that he’s going to notice you.
Number 5: Online Dating
Dating tips for women must include a section on ‘online dating’ if you’re serious about meeting your soulmate. Look I know I said that there’s only around 10% of people that get into long term committed relationships have met online. Still, that 10% is better than zero percent. So, find a dating site online that has the option of you meeting men who live locally to you, it could be Tinder or it could be something like Match.com for example.
All you need to get going is a close up photo of your face (smiling of course), used as your profile picture. Second thing you need is writing in your profile the type of man you’re looking for. If that seems too uncomfortable to write a big description of who you’re looking for, then for now at least, just write a few lines.
All you need to do is take that step because your soulmate – Your Mr. Right – could be on there and he can’t see you if you’re not visible. I read a book recently called ‘Turn Your Cablight On’ by Nancy Slotnick. The basic premise, as the title suggests, is about the importance of allowing yourself to be seen, making yourself to be available and visible so HE can actually find you and come get you.
All these five ways I’ve pointed out to you clearly say: “I’m available, I’m looking, my light is on”. You’re smiling, you’re dressing in an attractive flattering way; you’re feeling happy; you’re socializing more; you’re telling you friends that you’re open to introductions and you’re going to places where you can potentially meet your soulmate. All of those things mean you’re turning your cab light on.
So do things that light you up because then you’ll have more opportunities to meet your soulmate. All these things that I’ve suggested, you can do right now.
If you find any of my suggestions uncomfortable or you think absolutely no way can you do these things, then contact me; send me a message. I can help because I do this all the time and I love doing it, and I help single women, just like you, who are struggling in their dating & love life – to go from single to meeting their soulmate. If you feel you’ve already met your soulmate but feel that he’s pulling away from you, then check out my FREE eBook, ‘Why Do Men Pull Away’.
Contact me for guidance when you’re ready to meet your soulmate and for now, I wish you well and wish you every success in meeting your soulmate.
Now you might assume that I’m a big fan of hers for saying that. Well, to be honest – I’m neither a fan nor do I dislike her however, what I am interested in about Gemma Collins is her ‘Love Psychology’ and her attraction towards ‘bad boys’.
For anyone who has been watching Channel 4’s Celebs Go Dating, you’ll see that despite their fame, money, status, looks, talent – they suffer from the same pains as the rest of us mere mortals (well, perhaps with the exception of Muggy Mike!). The whole series is a wonderful social experiment of what happens when we declare to ourselves and declare openly to others, that we feel ready to meet that special someone and wish to fall in love – to share a future together in that bubble of happiness, including weddings and babies and all that good stuff.
You see, even though all that sounds just sweet and magical and romantic, when we start to connect with our true heart desires, it’s inevitable that what often accompanies that, is our vulnerabilities and insecurities, and it’s these vulnerabilities and insecurities that we see begin to rise to the surface very clearly in Celebs Go Dating. Any façade or pretence or mask that they’ve been wearing, slowly begins to be stripped away, revealing not only to us, but also to themselves, their true inner emotions and their unresolved inner demons, letting us in on how they truly feel about themselves – emotional Tells (as In poker it’s called ‘Tells’).
Olympian Taekwondo Champion Jade Jones was very obvious about that and said it perfectly when she went to her first mixer saying: “I’m bricking it”, but Comedian London Hughes trumped Jade when she confessed that she was almost ‘sick in her mouth’ at the thought of meeting potential love interests at the mixer. However, to me the true star who is stealing the show by far is Gemma Collins because she has shown her vulnerability throughout the series way more than the others – vulnerability shown through the appearance of her ‘hard shell’. Hence partly why she was so hated and vilified on social media with her “You work for me so I’ll walk out of here” temper tantrum attitude towards both The Celebs Go Dating guru’s Nadia Essex and Eden Blackman, in the first episode because that hard shell was masking her vulnerabilities.
Relationship Expert Lady Nadia Essex and matchmaker love guru Eden Blackman of Celebs Go Dating.
However, it was only a matter of time before the wall that she had so successfully built up from all the pain and emotional heartache that she has suffered through unrequited love, mostly from Towie star James Argent, aka Arg, that it had to be knocked down by The Celebs Go Dating team, but more importantly, by herself. The 37 year old reality TV star knew that her wall of armour had to come down in order for her to get a chance of ever finding true long lasting love.
We all know that when it comes to love, the mightiest and the best of us fall. Grown men crumble and say silly nonsensical embarrassing cringe-worthy things like Made In Chelsea Reality TV star Sam Thompson does. In his self deprecating style, we see an example of a guy going completely weak in the face of beauty – more especially of course in the vision of what he himself considers to be of particular beauty. And we also see successful strong sassy women become shy, get nervous and feel awkward, like London Hughes, as they too go weak at the knees when faced with a gorgeous man who sets their body alight with butterflies and vagina tingles, feeling their ovaries explode with delight because they see themselves having beautiful babies with him.
And that’s what it takes to fall in love.
But then comes the flip side.
- We feel fear when we put our hearts on the line.
- We feel fear when we open ourselves to possibly getting hurt again.
- We feel fear when that person we love can reject us, abandon us, or cheat on us.
And these celebs are absolutely no exception to that rule.
Behind their personas, assuming of course you’re willing to look more closely to see beyond their front, we see their real selves. The aforementioned poker ‘tells’ – which reveal who they really are behind the bravado, the clingy designer clothes or private education, cocktails and high volume voices scrambling and screaming for the most attention.
None other than Gemma Collins does it best. So amid the awkward silences, stilted conversations and temper tantrums, to me it’s Gemma Collins that steals the show. To some she’s like marmite which is why she makes great reality TV and explains why she’s been called pretentious, obnoxious and far worst on Twitter. However, what I want to focus on more is what happens when a woman who is successful in her business and career, but gets hurt by love.
I like to call it the myth of the SuperGirl Boss.
SuperGirl Boss: girlBoss at work, girlBoss at home, girlBossing her man.
In a nutshell: she’s the ‘girlBoss at Work, girlBoss at home, girlBossing her man’ that hides the real soft little girl inside who desperately wants to be loved by her guy. She’s successful in her career but not romantically, like Hollywood Actress Jennifer Aniston, or Towie reality TV star Lauren Goodger for example. An affliction I see a lot of with my high profile clients, who are also very successful strong sassy women.
But why is this?
In a world of business they’ve learnt that they have to be tough to get what they want: Either being thrown into the limelight or seeking out fame, they would have to have had to develop an outer thick skin to keep themselves safe. We all have our protective mechanisms and we all must protect ourselves in order to survive especially in our modern world, often resulting in believing that they have to cut themselves off from their emotions in order to survive.
Being unsuccessful in love, some have thrown themselves into their career or business because it’s an option that they can manage and control, rather than face getting hurt again by a man they can’t control. And the more successful that they have become, the more their outer wall thickens and the more they become distant from finding true love.
Their go getting tough attitude which is necessary to build a successful career or business, sadly spills over into their romantic life. Coupled with the strong movement of GirlPower – we have seen the rise of women who for some have taken it to an extreme – where they begin to go after guys like they would their business, fiercely negotiating with romantic love interests like it’s a business deal, crushing their female competition like they would swat a fly and stepping on the toes of any man with their 6” Louboutin’s who they didn’t feel came up to their standards.
I’ve seen some women so afraid of getting hurt again – and hold onto being in control so tightly, that they consequentially set out to beat potential romantic partners in a game of ‘who has the most control’ or one-upmanship, so in the end the relationship all becomes a power struggle and in any power struggle, someone has to lose and someone has to win and inevitably within that, someone will get hurt.
So even though on the surface these women have the appearance of being this powerhouse of a woman, confident, sassy, outspoken, they are still underneath a little girl who is desperately wanting to be loved. Her ‘love Map’, learnt from an early age no doubt, is way off kilter, which has resulted in her having many a romantic non starters, failed passionate yet explosive relationships, or staying mostly staunchly single.
Terrified of getting hurt again, they are often attracted to bad boys – men who have the patter, are sexually confident and powerful, who take control and aren’t afraid to lead, but more importantly these women are attracted to men who won’t commit to them with their heart.
Because underneath these women don’t believe that they feel worthy of love and so they are unconsciously always drawn to men who won’t fully commit to them. As a consequence, these women are always creating emotional drama in their love lives because they carry around their emotional pain and hurt like they would drag along 75 kilos of luggage, bringing all of that chaos into their close romantic relationships. Gemma Collins openly admits to that on the show when she said that if she got hurt again: “I think I’d die” and “that’s why I won’t let my guard down.”
Do you recognise any of this within yourself?
When you get closer to these celebrity ‘Love Maps’, you will see that some of these women are often door mats in their relationships: Often giving too much too soon, often having over complicated destructive relationships and maybe even been bank rolling their guy.
If they actually do meet a nice guy, they will often say: “I don’t think you can handle me” or “Don’t think you’re strong enough for me”, all of which, yet again, leaves these women either unhappily single or back into the arms of the bad boy.
This begs the question: Can they even recognise who their Mr Right is?
Complementing his masculine energy is a way to a long lasting loving relationship.
“I need someone with personality who’s going to over power me” and “have boom in the room”, says Gemma and the first time she sees someone like Muggy Mike she calls him stunning, but it isn’t necessarily that type of guy who will make them happy. They’re wanting a guy to soften them and with whom they can feel feminine with, however, by them not taking ownership that it’s up to them to step into and embrace their own femininity and lead with their feminine power in a way that doesn’t chop the guys balls off, means that they’re cannot complement his masculinity or his identity as a man. Consequentially this means that he won’t feel attractive within himself as a man in her presence, and therefore won’t feel a sexual or emotional attraction towards her.
Complementing his masculine energy IS the way to have a loving successful and happy long term relationship with her guy and not by attempting to emasculate him.
So if you recognise yourself carrying the similar traits to these women, let me break it down even further for you, so then you can see if you’re guilty of doing any of these things:
At the beginning of any relationship, playful banter can be fun, but over time it can begin to grate if it comes across as you constantly wanting to be in competition with him. If someone has to win, and you spark off that feeling of competitiveness in your guy – and you both remain stuck there – then your relationship can become a power play or a power struggle. This power struggle can quickly turn aggressive and into arguments. Even if the love between you two remains, the relationship can become too difficult to sustain because that playful banter has turned into something that’s cutting, and critical and inevitably, that leads to him feeling disdain towards you and you him, and resentments build. Like wild fire, before you know it, you’re in a full blown argument, flinging painful remarks at each other yet both of you still wondering how it got to that stage in the first place.
At the beginning of any relationship playful banter can be fun, but it can also go too far.
That constant drip drip effect of what pick up artists call ‘negging’, is beautifully illustrated in Malcolm Gladwell’s book The Tipping Point. That concept of The Tipping Point, shows how those little things when reach a tipping point, is “the moment of critical mass, the threshold, the boiling point”. And it’s after that point that it can be very difficult to go back to good will and good feeling, which then often leads to the demise of the relationship. Both Talia Storm and her ex Seb Morris demonstrate this.
Banter is great – but it can go too far.
Why is it there in the first place? It often can be a form of self protection because it can seem easier to fling insults rather than share how vulnerable and hurt you really feel. Furthermore, there is a perception that to be as strong and successful as a man in our modern world, and to play in a man’s world, then a woman has to be like him. Ladies, this is NOT so in your romantic relationships. Please remember, you can be a BossGirl, and be strong like your man, but you don’t have to lose your innate power as a feminine woman in the process. It may come as a surprise to you, but a strong powerful man is looking for a soft place to land with his woman. Not a pushover however, but a woman who can hold her own AND enjoy, feel comfortable and relaxed in his masculine energy, being ok in her vulnerability, whilst sharing openly and honestly how she really feels without being the aggressor.
Are you hiding your vulnerability? A way that you do that is connecting with men with your persona, just like Gemma does as ‘The GC’. Connecting with potential romantic partners in this way not only doesn’t allow him to connect truly to you, nor does it allow you to connect fully and emotionally with him. Listen, he can’t get to know the real you when what you’re presenting to him is your persona. Nor can you truly find your right match when you’re connecting from a place that’s disconnected because it isn’t connected to your true heart desires.
The mask is another guard that keeps true intimacy away from your heart.
The Mask is another guard that keeps true intimacy away from your heart. By doing so, you will struggle to feel a connection towards him and he won’t be able to feel a connection towards you, which will lead him to lose his emotional hard on for you.
Using phrases like: “I’m a Queen”. “Don’t touch the goods”, or “I want a man to overpower and shut me up” are such examples. If you’re truly in your feminine power and are happily leading from that place, you really don’t need to say these things because he will see your value because deep inside you too will know your true value, and it will emanate from you. You don’t have to advertise or shout from the roof tops how special you are because you will just be it and ooze it. You will have that natural charisma that draws people in and him to you. Everyone knows that type of woman who when she walks into the room, you can’t help but notice her. You can’t quite put your finger on as to why, but you know she’s got ‘It’. The X factor. Now that’s real girl power.
I’m hoping that you see that no amount of screaming fans or financial status makes an ounce of difference to your level of self esteem. Who we are behind closed doors is what matters. Not the performance. Not the persona. Not the talent. Not when in front of the paparazzi. But who you are when no one is looking.
Fear failure even though you’re successful in your business.
You’re successful in your business or career and that success is integral to maintaining your sense of identity and validation that you are loved and desired and that you matter in this world. You value quality and having nice things, but you’ve also built things around you in order to prove to yourself and others that you’re worthy of love and are valued, often times believing that those things can fill the empty space in your heart. Any hint that would suggest being a failure will be quickly squashed, and that can mean that you’d rather appear cold and heartless than have a man get close to you. You may even come across as being entitled. As a consequence, you might see men as disposable and therefore will quickly discard guys. Now, this is not to say that these women shouldn’t be discerning. On the contrary, of course they should. However the issues arise when the fear of failure is so strong and palpable, that you won’t allow yourself to risk to truly love again. You would much rather avoid this and keep your heart closed or remain distant, than be disappointed or get hurt again by love.
Being able to recognise yourself and acknowledge that you may too carry some of these traits isn’t easy. But it will make you grow as a woman.
We see Gemma Collins grow throughout this whole process:
She knows she can be overpowering sometimes and has to consciously soften and relax and bring her A game – and not just expect the man to impress her because it works both ways.
So notice what happened when Nadia Essex had a heart to heart with Gemma, that was the time when Gemma’s internal world started to change.
Gemma is clear in who she feels a natural attraction to – but was Arg really that guy? Is he truly the right fit for her?
For those who have been following me know that I’m all about attracting & keeping Mr Right. But the thing is – are you the type of woman that the type of man you want is naturally attracted to? It’s a tough question to ask yourself and for some, your self esteem and confidence will take a knock when you believe that you don’t see the standards you have reflected back in the type of guys who are attracted to you.
Whilst you can’t control who is attracted to you: Who you let into your life IS a reflection of who you are and there is no getting around that. But the good thing about becoming aware of this is that – you can do something about it, just like what Gemma Collins is doing in Celebs Go Dating.
Gemma had to get really honest with herself and it takes a strong intelligent woman to do that. As a result, she softened and she opened herself up to love. She had to face that Arg wasn’t ever going to give her what she’s truly wanting and needing to fulfil her emotionally. So she needed to let go of him emotionally inside of her heart in order to allow space for her true Mr Right to walk into her life. Even when Arg comes calling again for her when he sniffs other men around her, she has to be strong enough to say No to him.
Ladies, who is the bad guy or the non committal guy in your life that you have to say no to?
Is it someone like Love Island’s Muggy Mike?
Muggy Mike, Love Island Reality Tv Star, The ‘Alpha Male’, on Celebs Go Dating
Muggy Mike self confessed ‘dick’ is the ‘Alpha’ male of the pack. He is the guy that all the women in the show seem to swoon over. However, even I was shocked when one of the girls was so happy that he picked her after telling her she had a nice ass. A beauty queen no less, but she can be forgiven seeing as she is only 19 years old after all. But that example hasn’t gotten any better throughout the show, as each ‘bird’ seems to connect first with their sexuality – giving tit performances, or lewd and crude sexual remarks to Mike, and being so unbelievably available that Mike can’t feel an attraction towards them.
To him, what they’re offering is boring because there is no challenge at all. Sadly, they’re making themselves disposable and throwaway, as satisfying as a quick fast burger, wolfed down in a hurry, forgotten in a moment by the time he sees another flash of some young girls tits or ass.
Like a moth to a flame they make themselves easily available to the ‘bad boy’. Underneath, just like many strong successful women I’ve seen who have low self esteem or have been deeply hurt by love, they really don’t value themselves or believe that they deserve love otherwise they wouldn’t approach a guy in that way, nor chase him, nor wait around or keep on going back to a guy who wouldn’t commit to them.
What some women don’t realise, is that just like Muggy Mike, and Arg, what they’re looking for is an emotional connection – which is what Arg had with his ex. So Gemma’s story should be a warning sign to other women out there who are looking for love.
No woman should ever wait around for a guy because he either feels it for her or he doesn’t. Listen, he can have sex with you; be your friend; have you as his confidant (who he tells all his problems and troubles to), but it doesn’t mean he’ll ever feel any commitment or romantic emotional connection towards you. A guy needs to feel a strong emotional pull towards a woman in order for him to commit to her. That’s why Arg kept on going back to his ex but have other girls like Gemma Collins as his side salad. Good enough to fill the gap momentarily, but would never be the main course. Sadly, although it can’t feel good to say, that’s what Gemma Collins was to him.
But hopefully she’s learnt that lesson now.
Whilst we don’t know what will happen to Gemma in the end, now Gemma has two quality men vying for her affections. Both of them displaying their feathers like peacocks, in order to win her heart, and that is how it should be. When a woman truly values herself, that’s exactly what happens because I’ve seen this phenomenon happen with all of my female clients who previously before having met me, kept on choosing bad or inappropriate guys. All strong sassy super successful women, they learnt how to truly lead with their feminine power to go onto attract amazing quality ready to commit guys who loved and adored them. Just like with Jojo, who within three months of coaching with me, met her Mr Right. Within one year after meeting each other, were married!
I see this happen all of the time! Marriage and babies are just a part of what I do.
When these women make a commitment to themselves that no more will they accept poor behaviour; that no more will they devalue themselves, that no more will they chase men who don’t want them; that no more will they hide their vulnerability and true feelings nor be the aggressor to get their guy, that the real magic happens. The ‘Woo Woo’ of that powerful declaration to me and to themselves, attracts to them great ready to commit guys. And these women don’t have to bash him on the head to get him either.
Whilst we live in a modern world, the old courtship rituals still remain the same. We cannot deny our primitive selves that really bases attraction on prime animal instinct whether we care to admit this to ourselves or not – that there is a natural order to courtship that has nothing to do with gender but everything to do with feminine and masculine energy and where we lie on that spectrum as well as both parties remaining true to their hearts desires.
Deep inside these women want to be swept off their feet BUT first they must allow themselves to be open and gentle and show their vulnerability and risk being hurt again, to let go of the bad boys enough to allow themselves to be swept away by the good guys. Your Mr Right doesn’t want to fight you, he wants to love you.
So let him love you.
Falling in love is a beautiful thing and a part of that process is letting go of control, letting go of fear, removing your mask, being ok with failing, understanding the place and role of BossGirl in your life, leading with your feminine power knowing how to playfully tease him yet knowing when to let him lead. You’ll enjoy feeling just a little bit on edge and a little bit unsafe when you stop wanting to manage or control your guys – not in an extreme way but just enough that makes you feel excited about seeing him again.
When you truly honour your heart and do these things, you’ll easily identify who your Mr Right is; you’ll keep away from the bad boys, and you’ll finally get the love story you truly desire.
So you’ve been dumped. When you’re the one that’s been dumped BUT you still have intense feelings for your ex, you may still believe that you want to remain ‘friends’ with them. However, it can be painful for you in the beginning to do this because you’re still going to be very emotionally attached to your ex whether you care to admit this to yourself or not.
You know Real love. True deep meaningful love doesn’t just die overnight because you’ve broken up. In fact – you’re more likely to desire the other person even more now that you can’t ‘have them’ even if you’ve felt betrayed by them. You see, the opposite of love isn’t hate. The opposite of love is indifference.
So what do you do to give yourself that chance to heal when your heart is broken and you’re feeling rejected but you also Know deep down that you don’t really want to (or are not even ready to) lose all contact with that person altogether, but the pain of seeing them online triggers you too much or becomes too much for you to bear?
You hit the snooze button.
Facebook has been testing this new feature since September 2017, and has now fully rolled it out.
The option to remain friends but to unfollow or unfriend them has been around for a while but to banish them from your newsfeed forever might not be what you feel you want to do.
Because some of you won’t want your ex to know how you really feel – of how much you’re hurting or how much they’re still affecting you. A way some of you do that is by ‘playing it cool’ or acting indifferent – helping you to feel in control and rebalance the perceived loss of power and save face after being rejected.
What that masks is that deep down some of you will be fearing losing that connection with your ex forever. Perhaps even fearing that you’ll upset them in some way by cutting them off. I understand because you’re not ready to let go of them fully yet. Even going to lengths of secretly spying on them and their activities to keep that connection alive. Perhaps in the hope of rekindling that love or even also fearing not wanting to feel the pain of that separation or emptiness or aloneness inside.
So in the interim, the ‘kinder’ option for you is to snooze them on Facebook for 30 days. What does that actually mean? It means you’ll temporarily unfollow them for 30 days but they’ll be non the wiser and you’ll have some time out without the constant reminders, especially if they’ve found a new love.
No one is saying 30 days is enough to move on from your ex. In fact, it’s Highly unlikely that that would happen when you’ve felt a deep connection and love and you thought they were going to be your one and only forever love.
However, at least with this cunning new feature, you’ll be able to take an emotional break from seeing them without having to go to the extremes of unfriending them and severing that connection entirely, which can create even more emotional drama as you may also not want to cut ties with the friendships you’ve made through your ex.
Or if you’ve unfollowed your ex, consequentially making you feel a little weird or awkward inside when inevitably your ex will pop up on the friend’s timeline.
Furthermore, snoozing your ex saves you the embarrassment of trying to friend request them in the future if in haste and out of anger you unfriended or even blocked them.
After the 30 days are up, you will be reconnected again like nothing has ever happened. Don’t you wish you had this snooze option in real life with your partner?!
Does being single on Valentine’s Day make you a loser or a failure? Or does it make you feel like one?
Hopefully not, yet I know some of you will shrink back and pretend that the day doesn’t exist or you’ll act as if you don’t care. Maybe you’ll even tell everyone that it’s all commercialised nonsense, or partake in ‘Anti Valentines’ festivities so people know how ‘not bothered’ you are because in your mind you’re giving a big up yours to those you believe are ‘in power controlling you’. But secretly inside it seems that all you can see is back to back lovers staring longingly into each other’s eyes, arm in arm, declaring undying love for each other. Or you remember the times when you were once in that embrace where he held you tight – gently but confidently looking into your eyes, cupping the side of your face as he pulled you in for a passionate embrace.
Valentine’s Day for some of you singles can seem like the world is having one big fat joke and laugh on you. And only you. Even though singledom is on the increase, with a national census done by Channel 4, that Britain now has a whopping 17 million unattached people over the age of 16. Still, even knowing that, it can totally suck right sometimes because you’re believing that everyone else in the whole world has gotten their love life together: That all couples are ecstatically happy, hand in hand, skipping into the rainbows everyday. That’s what you believe. And each and every time you believe that, you feel sick to your stomach. That’s if even you allow yourself to feel because some of you, I know, have a brick wall built up that’s so high and so big, that even when you try to connect with others, or try to feel your feelings, you’ve become so numb to yourself, that you don’t understand your own feelings and emotions anymore.
Because you’ve tried to cut yourself off from feeling your feelings because it’s become too painful for you. Heck, I know many of you pretend and make jokes about your love life, thinking that trying to make light of it will mask how you really feel on the inside. Perhaps even in an attempt to hide from yourself your true feelings.
For those of you who feel ashamed or embarrassed that you’re still single on Valentine’s Day, I know that there is another way. Yet you probably believe that you should have this whole relationship situation sorted out by now, especially when you see your friends pairing off and starting their own families. Always made worst when your mum or family members ask you why you’re still single with the look of pity or confusion in their eyes.
So what can you do if this is you on Valentine’s Day? You can always cry yourself into your favourite bucket of ice cream (Haagen Dazs Chocolate Chip please)
or do something that’s becoming more popular now called ‘Palentine’s Day’, or ‘Galentines Day’, which means that you hang out with your best single girlfriends. Not such a bad idea. But perhaps seeing lots of couples out on Valentine’s Day whilst you and your girlfriends drink champagne might trigger you because it still serves as a constant reminder of what you don’t have, which is an intimate loving sexual relationship with your guy.
For some of you, as much as you love your girlfriends, you secretly prefer to have that special someone to be with to celebrate Valentine’s Day with and you shouldn’t feel ashamed of that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to have a loving relationship with your Mr Right. Girlfriends are great of course, you don’t ever want to be without your amazing girlfriends, AND you also want to be held by a man or cuddle up with him at night right?
There is already too much shaming of singles these days. And what I mean by shaming is when people are telling you platitudes like just “love yourself”, “be happy being single”, “be the love that you seek”, when you’re honestly not feeling that way on the inside. Being incongruent to how you really feel – be thinking you ‘should’ be happy being single, is actually causing you more pain than acknowledging how you really feel.
Well meaning as some of these people are, you shouldn’t have to negate or squash how you really feel especially when those sayings don’t actually make you feel better. They are not effective in resolving your deep emotional issues or satisfying your emotional needs. So please don’t feel embarrassed if secretly inside you wish you had that special someone to hold you rather than spending more time with the girls.
An intimate relationship with your Mr Right isn’t the same as your relationships with your girlfriends because it fulfils a different part of your emotional needs, needs that you cannot get from your girlfriends. There are things you’ll do with your partner of course that you wouldn’t and can’t do with your friends – so please let’s get honest about that. We’re human beings who are designed to want to couple up and bond. It’s part of our DNA. Regardless, if you can genuinely connect and focus on being happy and having fun with your girlfriends that you love and care about, then of course that’s awesome. Go out or stay in together, and do lots of fun girlie stuff. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in that.
But if you feel that you want something more – that you want to have that special man in your life,, then you know where I am. Contact me. Let me help you Attract & Keep Your Mr Right.
Don’t miss out on love.