Up against Christmas and New Years, Valentines Day is one of the most popular celebrations of the year, so there’s no surprise then that there’s going to be loads of blog posts giving you suggestions on what to do on Valentine’s Day or even having an anti Valentines Day for that matter – focusing on how it’s all just commercialism gone mad on steroids.
Well, this blog isn’t about that.
Let me explain.
Even though I’m sure some or many of you ladies would’ve experienced your guy saying how commercialised it all is. That restaurants, florists, hotels, for example, increase their prices, so the whole celebration ends up costing him an arm and a leg. Worst than that he’s thinking: Why should he show his love for you on that day just because he’s being dictated to by those whose only aim is to cash in and fill their already deep pockets full of even more money.
But what if there was more to it than that for him.
What if, underneath that, some guys fear that you’ll disapprove of him or be disappointed by him if he doesn’t get you the gift you really want or make it special enough for you to make you feel happy?
You see, when a man loves you. And I mean when he really loves and cares about you, what he wants most of all, more than anything, is to make you happy.
If he sees that you’re not happy with what he gives, it crushes him inside. He may not show it, but trust me, he feels it. Big time. Much more than we women often realise. And that emotional pressure can be enough for some guys to retreat into “it’s all commercialism” talk to protect his feelings. They may even tell you at the beginning of your relationship that he’s not into valentines! Listen, men talk with me all the time about their dreams and fears in relationships – about what hurts them and what ails them and how they too suffer in love.
Which is one reason why I absolutely won’t write any blog posts that are about male bashing or putting down the whole of the male species. Sure, I like to poke fun and often will tease guys. However, to be clear, I’m definitely intolerant of down right low quality bad behaviour that I do see at times, because it leaves those women who have been affected by games and lies, deeply hurt and often emotionally scarred for a very long time. But I’m also very clear that these are individual cases that should be seen as indicative of that particular guy and him alone. So, whilst male bashing posts might be more popular to some of you, I am 100% clear that that isn’t what I’m about.
Because it actually doesn’t work in helping you women to find love! And that’s what I am about. Helping you to actually Find & Keep love with your Mr Right.
Listen, you don’t have to be single to benefit from what I say because I know some of you married women – or those of you who are in long term committed relationships, sometimes feel as lonely as when you were single and were yearning to be with that special someone. You might not care to admit it in public, or even to your closest friends, and perhaps not even to yourself, but I know this to be true. How do I know? Because many of you have admitted this to me.
So what to do? Yes. We all know that Valentine’s Day has turned into a commercial money fest now but so what? Why get hung up on that? You yourself don’t have to buy into it and nor does he. And guys, this is NOT an excuse to get stingy OK?! It’s NOT a good enough reason NOT to give. When I mean stingy – I am not talking about money because being mean can come in many forms and guises.
So ladies, listen, this is what I want you to know: He might not care as much about what you give to him for Valentine’s Day, because he’ll be more concerned about what he’s going to give to you to make you feel happy. (Although a sexy night of off the charts sex or doing some of his favourite acts I’m sure would make him very happy (and vice versa I hope!)).
So, if you’re with a guy who turns into Mr grumpy over Valentine’s Day, yet he’s gone out of his way to make this day special for you, then please appreciate his efforts. Please take that time and allow yourself to connect with what’s good and great about him and all the reasons why you fell for him in the first place. If nothing else, Valentines Day can be a day where you drop any negative patterns, criticisms or frustrations, to give you the time to connect in love. Surely isn’t that what it’s supposed to be really all about?
Even if it’s a totally cheesy gift, or if it’s something that you wouldn’t ever wear in a million years, or even if it’s just something that you really don’t like, and you feel disappointed inside, then remember the true reason for Valentine’s Day.
Listen. Why not see Valentine’s Day as an opportunity to have fun and a good time together – to connect again but not with the pressure of any expectations for it to have to be any way. Strip away all the pomp (unless of course that’s what you want) and maybe decide together to do something fun or do something that neither of you would normally do. More importantly, if this is the guy you’ve chosen to be with, then be open and allow yourself to receive his loving gifts whatever that might be.
For me, that’s the true essence of Valentine’s Day.