It sucks being alone at Christmas time but as much as you don’t want to be alone, you don’t want to be used as a convenient pit stop to fill someone else’s ‘fear of being alone’ emotional mind trap, and end up getting dumped again once we’re into the new year, when he suddenly disappears quicker than you can say: “Did I really need to eat that much food over Christmas?
In today’s modern world we can more easily indulge our curiosity into other people’s apparent fun filled social life with the advent of social media – and it can often seem as if everyone else is having the most amazing bedazzling sparkly time. Images & posts of happy couples can compound your deep seated painful fears & feelings of ‘Not Being Good Enough’ or ‘There’s Something Wrong With Me’ or ‘I’m Always Going To Be Alone’. And whilst you love getting dressed up and going out with the girls, having another ‘Man Free Zone’ deep down doesn’t really appeal to you. It can be a lonely time at Christmas. And deep down that hurts.
So then it’s of no surprise to you that exes often appear out of the blue at this time of year. Or that guy who ghosted you suddenly appears again and tries to text his way back into your life or randomly likes a comment on your Facebook post and says nothing else and you’re thinking: “WTF does that mean?”
There are more sign ups on online dating apps at this time of year more than any other time, especially with many singletons experiencing post Christmas blues after having faced the dread of having to answer Grandma Wilmer or Aunt Janice’s prying crushing question: “WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?”
Some of you will go to great lengths in order to avoid experiencing just that! I heard a story today that illustrates this point entirely – of a woman who is ‘shagging her mum’s neighbour’ as she heads back home for Christmas. She doesn’t find him in the least bit attractive. Worst, she actually finds him terribly tedious & mindnumbingly boring, but would rather have functional sex and create forced intimacy with him – than be alone again over Christmas time.
In times of need and desperation we can make some poor decisions and choices. And we certainly do things that we wouldn’t normally do when we’re feeling happy & fulfilled within ourselves.
However, if you feel that you’re happy with casual encounters over the festive season then great! Go for it!! But if you know you’re not, what should you look out for in order to be aware of being just another ‘festive fling’ and nothing more?
Signs to look out for:
1: He seems to have a desperate sense of urgency and immediacy about getting together with you – forcing a romantic connection – and pushing you into spending time with him and even possibly his friends/family.
2: He seems sombre and wants to keep on talking about his exes, especially one particular ex whose name keeps on ‘casually’ cropping up, and even asks you your advice on his failing love life. Urrrggghhhh.
3: Getting very last minute invitations: you’ve perhaps met him once – or you may even have known him for a while, but suddenly you hear from him out of the blue inviting you to his office party by text, at very short notice, or other social events, but there is no other conversation or chat in between.
Whilst you can never truly know the heart & mind of another when you’re meeting them for the first time, please bear this in mind: Preparing yourself for the possibility that it’s simply a ‘Festive Fling’, especially when you’re the one looking for a long term relationship is THE best thing to do.
This shift in your mindset will allow you to enjoy the romance for the short term. But how do you do that? A specific way to do that is to actually see it as a holiday romance and enjoy it!!
You know what I mean right? You enjoy the intensity, you let yourself go- knowing that it’s got a short shelf life and you’re ok with that. You’re prepared to enjoy it in the moment and let the magic of Christmas take over you, without you getting caught up in any imaginary future plans or stories around long term commitment. You’re more than happy to ‘see how it goes’ without begging or even looking for any future commitment from him beyond New Years day. And you are willing to let him go, allowing you to have a fresh start to the new year.
With this powerful mindset change, you can then relax. Enjoy the moment without worrying about the future or without worrying about being used and then discarded. Nothing will kill your self esteem and confidence more than getting emotionally entangled in ‘Will He Commit To Me’ man crazed drama mode.
Look, I don’t want you to be single and miss out on having romantic fun and a good time over the festive season if the opportunity arises. But if you know that even having a change of mindset still wouldn’t work for you because you still fear that just a festive fling isn’t something you can handle well emotionally – (perhaps you’ve been dumped or just experienced a break up for example), then maybe dating isn’t the best option for you right now. But that’s a decision only you can make. Stay true to your heart.
Christmas time and coming to the end of the year is often traditionally a time of reflection as we hope and anticipate having a better year than the last. We reminisce and think of past loves and the possibility of new or deepening love with Your Mr Right. So as much as you can, enjoy this festival season and keep yourself and your heart emotionally safe.